Catfishing; What does it mean?

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You’re lonely.

I’m sorry, that’s not true.

It means that you are lonely AND gullible. Come on, America. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for these people and start learning from their hilarious mistakes.

How can you be so insensitive? 

It’s easy, I just TELL THE TRUTH, which apparently is pronounced “insensitive” and “hurtful” by people of today.

There are no victims in Catfishing, only fools

Wise men once said, “Only fools fall in love”. If those Wide Men were alive today, they would have said, “Only fools fall in love online.”

We live in a hypocritical society. First we make fun of our friends for being in an online relationship but when our friends find out that Tabitha, the liberal Victoria Secret model who owns an impressive collection of Vinyl records (*gag reflex*), is actually Dave,  a guy who is banned from Victoria Secret stores and owns a 10-foot rap sheet for repeatedly taking “artistic” pictures of women in the restroom, we are the first ones to rush to their aid.

Not me, I am the first one to make jokes that are considered “too soon” and “racist.”

Go ahead, judge me; it’s not my fault that they were not smart enough to realize that EVERYONE LIES ON THE INTERNET. Have you ever heard of Facebook or Twitter? It’s a laundry list full of liars and exaggerators. Girls making statuses, professing how much they love their boyfriends (or girlfriends, meeeooowww) only to break up with them a week later, claiming that all men are the worst (men aren’t really known for lying, just for being complete douche bags).

The people who are victims of Catfishing are usually 18 or older, legally considered adults. If we are going to give them the power to vote and to smoke cheap cigarettes, then we should give them the power to suffer the consequences of their mistakes. We shouldn’t coddle them when the “You don’t say” moments happen.

Oh my God! The lawyer for the Nigerian Prince was actually a conman who stole all of my savings!

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I gave the seller on Craigslist my Visa card number, you know for “barely used” mattress I wanted to buy, and he bought $1,000 worth of products. And I never got that mattress!

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Wait a minute, you’re not a 11 year-old girl! You’re Chris Hansen!

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“My Online Relationship is Real”

And Dwight does not mean a Facebook friend, either.

Here is what a lot of people fail to understand; 100 friends on Facebook does not mean 100 friends in real life. If you are lucky, about three friends online will actually be friends with you in real life. Why is three friends a good thing? Because that’s three people who know how big of a tool you are and still decide to spend their time with you. I am the worst person I know; I’m lazy, I smell, loud, judgemental, I make everyone be the designated driver and don’t even have the common courtesy to puke outside the car. I puke on the floor of their car and drunkenly promise that I will “clean it tomorrow.” Yet. I still have five people in my life who know that tomorrow is never going to come and they still choose to be my friend. That’s friendship.

It’s also real friendship.

We have grown accustomed to doing everything online. We pay our bills online, shop online and even FARM online (I swear to God, if I get another Farmville request). Then, someone came up with the wonderful idea to date online. Are we that lazy, America? Are we so lazy that we cannot even throw on a nice shirt, pants and shower to go meet someone for dinner?

But Tim, dating is hard…

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Everything in life worth having is hard. We all want to find that special someone that we can connect with emotionally, but you won’t find that by just logging on to the computer. You have to go out, pay for dinner, pay for drinks, listen to others talk for what seems like an eternity and repeat that process over and over again until you find the one who knows you’re a lazy, judgemental, smelly drunk and still wants to go on another date with you.

Online relationships are not real. If I offended you, good. It’s about time you hear the truth. Online relationships don’t allow you to hold another person, kiss another person and see how angry she gets when you say, “Why do you watch the Kardashians? This show is a load of crap.” You don’t go through the growing pains of a relationship; you don’t have to hear him snore like a suffocating pig when he falls asleep during your movie date, you don’t see your life flash before your eyes every day when she is swerving her way through traffic; you just read texts and look at pictures on the screen.

Online dating is basically window shopping for puppies; you say you love the puppy because you see it and talk to it, but you never have to deal with the crap that comes with being with that puppy.

2 thoughts on “Catfishing; What does it mean?

  1. Anthony D. 'Tony' Grana.

    UK/20 Jan. 2013,Sunday, 3:50 pm-GMT./Temp.30F.
    One is never too ‘old to learn new things’…Thanks for ‘enlightening/teaching’ me a new WORD-CATFISHING… Your Comments and illustrations are most informative and humorous. You have just touched the ‘TIP of the Iceberg’…of those who are trolling the world of INTERNet…[ ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense ‘stroll, roll’): origin uncertain; compare with Old French troller ‘wander here and there (in search of game)’ and Middle High German trollen ‘stroll.’.. The Word ‘Catfishing’ is most appropriate. As a Youth I know only ‘Catfish’ as defined in the Fisherman’s Guide-books… Loads of Specimens and ‘life-styles’, small and monster size…from Thailand to bottom-swimmers in Tennessee. Your ‘insights’ highlight the futile, frailty of fellow human beings. Hopefully, those addicted to ‘catfishing’ will read your wise words as well as Pictures (each worth a thousand words) and get back to living in the Real Time-World. Looking forward to your future excursions. Cheers!!!

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